In less than eight minutes, I get to attempt to get tickets on a Pre-Sale for the DCU...
If it works, I've got 2 things under my belt:
1) You're coming to my area, you're ACTUALLY PLAYING near my home...you're going to be NEAR my town...we might even breathe the same air *far-fetched, but I like my fantasies*
2) Getting tickets to come and see you...YOU and GUNS N' Roses...
Yes, so I've switched again. I think that I've finally found my new name.
I'm quite content.
I'm still me, all the same rules apply.
Everything that I've written on here and on my ColdNovemberRain blogs still mean what they meant when I wrote them. From now on though, if you want to find me, I'm here...
the new me
That's me, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it ;)
But only if you feel like it.
I'm going to try and keep this blog to write my cheesy little letters to W. Axl Rose and my other blog for the stuff inside of my head.
It's me.
And Axl, I'm SO glad that you're out on tour now, that the album will be coming out soon. Keep Rockin' Dude...always and forever~
No, Axl, not meant to be funny, but sometimes we have to put a little "spin" on things to get some perspective.
Things haven't been going well for anyone that I know, those whom I love and care about are in places where only Nightmares Breed and it is spreading...
The pain, on all levels, is unforgiving and unrelenting, everything AND everyone hurts.
I don't know much of anything anymore, but I do know what I hope for people...always, for better.
If I've ever asked you for anything, ever secretly wished, ever hoped...I ask you to take them and put them aside for a while and grant me this, above all things...
I wish that you could take some of the difficulties out of life, never deserved any of this, help try and hang in there...make things less painful, less trying, give sleep and rest, give moments of happiness, moments of clarity, and help those moments last...help give a break...please.
If only you were a God...a Genie in a bottle...a Wish Granter...an "All Powerful Being"...if only there was more magick in the world...If only you could do this for me...I'd not ask for another thing again.
My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, Cause I will never be with you.
Yes, she caught my eye, As I walked on by. She could see from my face that I was, flying high, And I don't think that I'll see her again, But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, Cause I will never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you."
Replace any pronoun you wish, this song is beautiful, his voice singing this song is beautiful, and these words mean something to me.
What can I say? Things haven't been going well in the land of oz, not one little bit...
Either that or I've officially gone completely mad.
Come join my TeApArTy?
Clean cup, clean cup. Move down.
And on a side note,
It's finally "quiet"...my son is at his father's for another 30 minutes or so, company has gone home, people going to bed, coming home from work and "doing their thing"...
I finally have a minute, put some Queen on, crank it up, sit and try to write...
Couldn't even possibly begin to write out all that's been zooming around in my head lately.
Blood Pressure is up, WAY up...been like this for a good three months now...maybe I'll actually go on the medication to help it out a little, or just keep pumping it up so I have a stroke. Fuck it.
Yes Freddie, I've taken my bows.
I want to shut down...just for a little while...there is no such thing...it happens when I DON'T want it to, and kicks into overdrive when I don't want it to...story of my life.
Something in the air, something somewhere...something going on that isn't lining up right...and it's hurtful and damaging, painful.
Wish I could just shake my head and make things more visible.
and, as a last word from the Mad Hatter..."Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
Every now and again, I'll get a burst of it, a quick "Tazmanian Devil" whirlwind that lets me get a whole bunch of things done at once...
And then every now and again, I'll get a different burst of it, of True, Pure Energy...
When I'm in tune, on the same wavelength, I am as one...
Laughter helps me catch a glimpse of my Pure Energy, and I wish that I could hold onto that forever...but I can't.
Sometimes I think that children are like Pure Energy...not all children mind you, but some. They aren't tainted by this world yet, they aren't brainwashed, damaged...
Pure as in, "powerful", "clean slate", "innocent", "inquisitive", "wonderous", "playful", "laughter", "hugs", "kisses", "love", their power can be intense...overwhelming, and they don't even know it.
I'm just going to tell you about some dreams as of late.
They aren't good ones, not pleasant-I think there were two that snuck in that made me so happy that I was smiling when I woke up.
Dreams can turn into nightmares in a snap of a finger. They can make you never want to close your eyes again, once awake.
A lot of the subconscious creeps into your dreams, perhaps why they can become nightmares as fast as they do...
Death, my father's death, death of people I care about...torture, rape, pain, humiliation, truths turned lies.
Lately, that's where my dreams go to nightmares and turn everything sour. I take meds to help me sleep, then I have a nightmare and nothing will knock me back out sometimes...and I lay awake panting for breath, shaking, crying, looking for a way to make sense of everything...
Of course I could be much more specific in the nightmares I've been having, but I won't. I know that you know that it happens...to everyone.
Certain events of your life have a way of creeping into the one place I wish they wouldn't go-my dreamland does not welcome the nightmares, the realities of wake-time.
I don't want to leave this as short as I have, and I don't want to leave it on such a negative note...
I did read an article on a few different places that I go to "hunt" down information on you...and you've been spotted at a party, and interviewed, sort of...
I just wanted to tell you that you look like you're feeling more content with things...more at peace...at least in the picture that I came across from the internet. Obviously, in my eyes, you look beyond awesome...and I Love the facial hair...nice look ;)
Just knowing that you're still out there, and that you're talking about the album...it makes me smile, it helps keep me going...just one more time...just want to see you one more time in concert...I have hope.
So okay, I didn't want to contain myself, I bought a Guns N' Roses watch and a pair of GNR boxers for my son...didn't want him to feel left out-got that onesie for my nephew, you know...Plus my son has actually heard GNR and watched some of the videos and likes ya, so that counts for something in my book, even if he is just humoring me :)
Made me smile, yes, considering that very little does for me anymore.
I've cruised around the web, seems that you've been "spotted" buying a friggin' car, people are going apeshit...I have to admit, if I ever actually got to "see" you doing anything, I'd go apeshit...but these people are out of control, with the thought that you were out there somewhere-so what's it gonna be Axl...you know people are dying for the album, dying for you to tour, dying for you to slip out of the shadows...
Personally, I'd keep hanging in the shadows, but because I'm selfish, I just vowed to see you ONE more time...in concert-I know it'll never happen on the street, since I'm hardly EVER out anywhere, let alone someplace you would be...so that's what I vowed-to see you one more time in concert-and with my luck, not to come off as an ass or anything, but I'd save up every cent that I could, get as close to the stage as I could, be all pumped about being able to SEE you for once in my life, and you'd cancel the show or something...because that is just my luck. Huzzah for me.
But I'd like to think that little fantasy would go a little better, I'd be able to get close, then I'd be able to see you and then I could die happy, whenever that day does come.
See, I don't think that I want too much :lol: okay, maybe I do.
Things have been falling to shit all around me, I've been having more than my share of little "melt-downs" and being more depressed than usual...I know there's something going on...
But what, I don't know. If I find out why things are so bad, I'll send you a memo...otherwise, hoping all is well with you~
Been thinking for days about writing you and saying a few things...
I know that I pretty much live under a rock, but when I was out at, *gags* Hot Topic, *gags even more* in the mall these past few weeks, I noticed that there were BABY Guns 'N Roses merchandise-hoodies, onesies, hats, etc...which I didn't know existed...which didn't exist *I'm pretty sure* when my son was teeny tiny.
I'm caught. Caught between going all "HAZZAAHH" over the fact that I can buy my *shhh, don't tell anyone* favorite nephew a "Sweet Child O' Mine" onesie and WTF?!?!? How can there be so much merchandise out there for just ANYONE...
I've thought about it, a lot, and as cheesy as I am, I'll admit that I actually bought the onesie and smuggled it to my nephew, who will wear it this summer when he's hanging with his bizarre auntie...
So, I figure that if there wasn't money coming in from somewhere, then perhaps during this long hiatus, it would be very draining on profits...and I thought that it was alright to buy the onesie...
In my little world, I am indirectly supporting you? It somehow makes sense to me...
I even went online after going to the stores and found some boxers and lounge pants for my son...he knows how much you mean to me, you will always BE Guns N' Roses to me, no matter how much things change...he even likes some of your music...he'll be 14 tomorrow...he's still a little "behind" when it comes to a lot, so for me to say that he likes some of your music is a lot.
So yeah, I'm a cheeze ball...but somewhere, I think secretly a lot of people are.
Somewhere in the dark, I watch over you silently. Somewhere in the dark, I reach out and hold you close. Somewhere in the dark, I am able to ease your pain. Somewhere in the dark, I am able to make you feel better. Somewhere in the dark, I make wishes and dreams that this were all true.
I am truly sorry that there is nothing of this world that can help you feel better.
When the fall and winter come, I feel like a part of me dies, not hibernates, but dies, every year. And I hate it.
This year though, now that I've won the Membership-I can go any time that they're open and stay from the time they open until the time they close, and just sit-and take pictures, I LOVE to take pictures-well, saving them I LOVE even more.
I can sit and look out the windows and watch the snow fall while sitting in an alcove in a Great, Green Garden, have as many "Snow White" moments as I want-with the butterflies and birds in their habitats...all I want.
Honestly, I hope that I can actually get myself to go out there and spend time, I have a problem with myself about getting myself to do anything.
Even if it is something that I like. Sometimes I don't have any energy at all for anyone, let alone myself.
I hope that I can do it, get out there and enjoy myself. Sounds kind of pathetic, enjoy myself by sitting in a garden...woohoo, bust out the party hats-whatever...but it does make me happy.
I have no idea how I'm going to handle my depression, I mean, I've been trying to handle it my whole life, and not much helps it, and always it gets worse in the fall and winter, and always it gets worse around Christmas.
Yippie...maybe I can lock myself in the Garden for Christmas, maybe I won't want to kill myself...or maybe I'll make such a beautiful color splatter over the holly and beat the holly berries to the punch...
Who knows, but right now, I can smile and breathe deeply...and even deeper when I get to the Gardens.
Hope that all is well with you Axl...I miss you. I hate gossip. I know how it feels to be invisible-or want to be-and it seems to me that's the path you've been taking...but I miss you, as if that matters.
I've been meaning to share this with you for weeks and WEEKS now, but as things go in my little twisted world, things come up, I have no time, it doesn't matter how excited I am about something, other things take priority, BUT...
I was over my Best Friend's house and he did a Reading for me, the Tarot Reading wasn't a good one *imho* in fact, I was crying through most of it, really not good, so I'm going to pretend that it didn't happen...but I am most grateful for the fact that he did a Reading for me.
But...
to follow up my Tarot Reading, he pulled out the Medicine Cards, and read me my Spirit Animals...
It's taken a while for me to accept that I'm not a were-wolf...but I wanted to share, because this Reading meant SO DAMN much to me...here they are:
Whale *chuckles, I'm a closet were-whale*
Coyote
Dog
Snake
Bat
Deer
Weasel
Porcupine
Turkey
yes, in that order...
I'm still reading, when I can, about each animal, about each meaning...and I have a lot to learn from everything...
It's just something else that has makes me happy lately, I keep thinking about that night :) To have someone that I respect SO much, especially in this field, do Readings for me-it meant the World to me.
I just wanted to share with you that I had THE most WONDERFUL Thanksgiving Dinner tonight with my best friend-I know that he went through an awful lot, in many ways, preparing *and cleaning* it all, and sharing it with me meant the world...
I'm thankful, VERY thankful for him, and that he's here...
This is the first time I've ever been invited to someone else's house for dinner, and it was THE BEST!
I just wanted to share, share because something great happened today, that it was all so wonderful, and that I don't think that any of us should have to set one day aside to enjoy one another...I try not to take that for granted each and every time I get to spend time with my best friend~
I just wanted to say THANKS for GIVING me so much :)
Dear Axl, you get to hear this, since I am unable to actually send it to Larry King on CNN via their website, for some unknown reason:
First of all, I'd like to say that I'm very disappointed in the show aired on November 18, 2005; featuring Multiple Sclerosis. If anyone who watched the hadn't ever heard of MS, they most likely got the impression that everyone with MS is as high functioning, or seems to be high functioning, except a few days here and there, as those on your panel; and that everyone who has MS and is "sick" or has "problems" chose to be that way.
I can't believe that the show you were supposed to do on Multiple Sclerosis, ended up being one big meet and greet four celebrities, and a doctor that was only complimenting the celebrities and barely touched upon anything educational or informational, for those who have it, and for those with loved ones with it.
It just kept sounding to me as-if you're sick or having a tough time of it, it's because you chose to feel that way-that is how this show came across to me, and frankly, I'm disgusted.
The painting portrayed by the interviews on this show was that everyone with MS can still do the things that they always have done, they're still active, productive, citizens; that was a very one-sided aspect of this disease, and not much, if anything was said about people who have Progressive, or untreatable forms of the Disease. That's not right, and it's not fair.
Very little was touched upon about Stem Cell Research, it was almost as though it were an afterthought. There wasn't much discussed about any treatment plans out there other than the term "treatment plans", especially ones for people with low income, Progressed forms of the Disease, and no support-be it Familial, Monetary, or even Medical.
What is someone supposed to do if they were diagnosed very late, though there were signs and symptoms for 25 years, and discrimination kept anyone from properly testing and diagnosing that person? What if, now that you had finally been diagnosed properly, you've now progressed past the Relapsing Remitting Stage and are told that the Solu-Medrol Treatments won't help you, because they aren't helping you, that your only choice left is Chemo, and they don't even know if THAT will work, you had a very high IQ *once upon a time* and it is killing you that sometimes you can't read or write anything? What if you're so advanced, yet so young, you walk, when you can, with a cane; have debilitating migraines; intense pains throughout your body; you’re losing your vision; losing your hearing; you have tremendous cognitive problems; you’re blacking out; and having one giant flare up that won't stop-there are other people out there like whom I’ve described, and there isn't anything they've found to help them, not to help treat their symptoms, not to help them feel better, not to slow the progression of the MS, not to repair the damage, not to reverse the damage.
Why didn't you interview anyone that was in a wheelchair, someone who was paralyzed, or that didn't have a lot of money/support/family to be there for them?
You do realize that there are so very many people out there are from ALL walks of life and backgrounds? With ALL sorts of signs and symptoms both before and after being diagnosed? I understand that it would be impossible to gather up so many people, some with the same things in common, or even not so much in common, but even a little bit of diversity amongst the panel on the show, would have helped, even if just a little.
These four celebrities sat there basically telling people that people with MS have to have a positive attitude and others chose to be "miserable", they want people to surround themselves with the love and support of their families and the like-what if you don't have anyone? Those comments were very invalidating and insulting.
Some days it is pretty hard to have a positive attitude; sometimes you don't have family to help you in any way; sometimes you don't have money enough to afford groceries, so you can't eat healthy/sometimes not at all; sometimes you don't have to worry about what the boss will say, because you've been disabled, but not diagnosed, from this disease for too long.
I think that if you had some type of diversity on your panel, even if it was to just talk about THEM, then it would have helped others, rather than hurt-their comments made it appear, very clearly, repeatedly, that all people with MS are “just fine”, they just choose to be sick.
Nobody chooses to be sick, there is no choice-I understand sometimes people get into the mindset of feeling sick, when you have a cold, sometimes makes the cold seem worse, and in turn you feel worse...you can't even begin to compare the two situations! Even if you thought oh boy, this MS is killing me today, it doesn't stop the fact that you've lost bladder control for the past six months and can't see right, how "chipper" would you be?
Yes, I am bitter, from a close personal experience in my life, and no, I don’t think that I am projecting, but I think that a little bit of “even”-ness would have been a lot more educational, possibly, reassuring, rather than entertaining in the aspect of, “I wonder how my favorite fill in the blank star is doing while having Multiple Sclerosis, let’s watch Larry King.”
There is information out there, but not much, because the disease is so complicated, it has to do with the brain, and the brain controls everything, but we know next to nothing about it, and refuse to take any cognitive symptoms for what they are worth. Even the doctors don’t want to hear about “any new changes” unless they are physical. I guess nobody takes into consideration what they’ve told us all along-the brain isn’t working “right”, so other parts of the emotional and physical body aren’t working “right”. This disease IS killing people, it was almost as if that were an afterthought as well, how dare any of them brush it off so lightly.
Things need to change, more needs to be done, and not just for those who have money, support, and family. Your show didn't help; in fact, it hurt those out there who suffer terribly from this Disease.
So Axl, I think I know what you're thinking..."Well well well, another entry? After disappearing for a month, two entries in one night...hold me back."
You know what great, big, wide world? FUCK YOU.
Thank you for turning a word that would harmlessly mean "delayed" into a word that will cut someone deeper than a fucking sickle.
Got to thinking, a lot, about my son, about how no matter how much he is loved and adored by his family and friends, I know what others think about him-to them, he's nothing more than a "RETARD"...
I'm sure he's heard it more than a million times, and you know what? I can only hope he doesn't know what that word means, I can hope all I want, but someday, he'll know...and the only thing I can do is hope that he doesn't bleed to death over it. Because then I will "snap"...and I won't come back.
So fuck you world, fuck you and your cruel ways.
And fuck me too, because I always fear that somehow it is my fault.
Yea, I'm here, somewhere...floating...sinking...bobbing around...trying not to drown...
Not dead yet Axl.
Not dead yet, but many days I wish that I were.
I hate to think...when the quiet hits me, when my head gets messy, when my brain short circuits and my emotions are all over the place...I cry, scream, sob, scratch, hit, kick, punch, laugh...and it all hurts.
I can't make sense of anything, I can't run away. I want to be alone, but I get angry when I'm invisible...and the sounds of peoples' voices make me nauseous...and the laughter of others' makes me think that it is all at my expense...
But I want to, sometimes I think about running around outside, around the house over and over and over again and think that if I run fast enough I'll fly...away...
Everything bothers me, nothing bothers me, I can't be anywhere for anyone, I'm tired...
I'm tired and I don't feel well on more levels than I can count. Can I truly be exhausted from just existing in this pathetic thing I call a life? I mean, really?!?!
I HURT and I don't feel that I have any fucking reason to be able to scream that at EVERYONE in my path. They have it WORSE than I do, and I KNOW it.
But it doesn't make the pain go away...and sometimes I still ask myself; can I trump them with something worse than they have? Can I be the sickest, the sweetest, the most helpful, the most fucking pathetic? Can I win the game? Can I be one of the first ones to the finish line?
I seem to do that a lot, run in circles, and sometimes even literally-just get dizzy, ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
That's what it comes to, right? Ashes? Trying hard not to go there.
I guess if we can't have one thing in this world to obsess over, one thing that makes us happy, even if only in our own minds, then what the hell is the point? You rank up there on my number one, well, you are my number one, if one doesn't count my son, my best friend, and my family...not the same, they're "real", here, and I love them...but you, you're everything and nothing that I want you to be...I followed a few glimpses of what some say are the "real you" from the news, observations at your shows, the internet...and the rest is history. A history that I've created and ran with for years. I can still tell you that I miss you, that I respect your privacy, your wishes of invisibility, but I just wish you were around more...
You are so much to so many people, and you'll never know it.
Or, you won't care.
But that's alright, because I can PRETEND that you do, that someday you'll know. Stupid thing is that I can walk and talk with you in another plane of existence, and I'd rather be there so much more than here most of the time. This is my life. Welcome to hell.
Well Axl, don't have a stroke or anything, two entries in two days...I don't know about you, but even I'm surprised!
Been thinking about a lot of things lately, even though I keep trying to go into "shut down" mode or "automatic pilot" mode, it just doesn't seem to work when i actually WANT it to.
Wondered what your thoughts were on Stem Cell Research...I don't know much about it, it seems that I didn't need to know much about it, because I just knew that it was a good idea.
Maybe my beliefs are a little twisted sometimes, but if people go and try to educate themselves, or shut the hell up and actually LISTEN to someone when they're trying to discuss their point in something, there would be less sheep for the shepherd to herd. Following blindly, plain and simply, sucks. Don't do it, I highly recommend that people don't, but they will.
Look, I just found out that I could actually donate my eggs so that other people could have children that can't "naturally", but most importantly, they can use my eggs for Stem Cell Research-that is, if they are allowed to. I can only hope that people get their heads out of the President's ass long enough to understand how important Stem Cell Research is, and could be, even to them...the whole, "you're killing babies" thing is not, in my opinion, true. It seems that is the way the Media and the Holier Than Thous portray it.
Well, if I have to keep up having a monthly cycle until I hit menopause, then I might as well do some kind of good with my eggs, and let them harvest away-find cures for illnesses and diseases, I've had my one child, I'm not having any more, so hell, what am I going to do with my eggs? *CAW*
Anyway, off topic a bit, but what I DO know is that Stem Cell Research is the only possible hope right now to save my best friend's life. If they approved funding, education, and testing, and they found that Stem Cells could save him, then I'd be the happiest person in the Universe.
My sister just told me yesterday that she's going to have her umbilical cord blood froz en so that it may help her family in the future, I was blown away that she even would think of such a thing-I give her a lot of credit. I just wish more people went out there and even slightly attempted to learn about these options, and if they couldn't afford to pay for the "monthly storage fee", then perhaps they could donate theirs to others.
I know Axl, I'm ranting...I'll end this for now...but I'm hoping that you're doing well...and I'm still missing you~
Seems like it's been a billion years since I've written, story of my life, I'm sporadic...and a lot of the times, contradictory. That's me, no, not in a nutshell, just a few of the things that I am.
I know that I went on a little emotional-tantrum the last time I wrote you, it was a plea of honesty and I meant it.
This time, I think I'd just like to say that I've read online that the new album might be out the beginning of '06 and that you might be cutting a track for the "DaVinci Code" movie that is coming out at some point-hey, I have faith in you, I always have, what that means coming from me, I'm sure is nothing, but I do. I need something to look forward to, right? We all do...
Things in my little world have been sucking, but that's nothing new either. I just thought that perhaps they would get a bit better, but you know how it is.
We hold onto the little things with such force and determination that sometimes we make them into something that they aren't. These kinds of things should have a label on them, "This is not a life saving device"...but they are. Makes me sad sometimes at how "little" a thing is to someone that means the world to me...and I wonder if I'm that pathetic, or they're that uncaring.
There are always people sitting on the other side of the computer screens, reading, watching, waiting, pouring out their hearts and souls, screaming, crying, begging, pleading, laughing, loving, lying...so why is it a big deal that I chose to write you in my blog? Screw them, screw what they think of me, screw the world.
Again, I don't have to know you to know that you care, that you're sensitive, you're emotional, yet you're a guy...you know, where it is mostly unacceptable in society, or not stereotypical to have those feelings...
I know that you have to feel the rippled affects of Hurricane Katrina...the Disaster, the sadness and death, you feel it, you could feel it...
So I ask this of you, if you're out there and you're reading any goddamn thing that I write, if you ever do, and you ever feel compelled to do anything that I ask of you...I ask that you please do something to help these victims. Something, anything...
They are the poor, weak, sick, disabled, and now homeless, lifeless, they've lost EVERYTHING. You have money, you have power. I'm fairly poor, I can't give much at all, I can only hope from way up here in Massachusetts, that our State might be able to help some of the victims of this Disaster.
I can only hope, inside my head, that you are not heartless, that you are not ignorant, that you are not of the mindset that so many people that I know are of. The fights I've personally had with family members about my opinions, about what I've watched, read or heard, about as close to the truth as I'll be able to get...I can only hope that this tragedy has reached you in some way...and that in some way you can help.
It's been nothing but a horror show, and sadness all around.
When I wrote that one simple worded question to you the other day, it truly stood for so many things.
Odd thing though was that I figure people would think that I was asking why hasn't the new album come out. Not what I was asking, just to set everyone's mind at ease. It will come out when it comes out, I'm not dead yet, so I'll just wait. I seem to wait a lot for things, I'm used to it. But that's not what I was referring to...just to make things clear.
I know that you don't have all of the answers in the world, I know you might not have any answers for lots of things, certainly not the answers to my fucked up world that I live in...real or not.
But I just had to ask why.
Asking makes me feel good...when I crave knowledge... Asking makes me feel release...when I feel pain... Asking makes me feel frustrated...when I know that there aren't any answers out there... and because I just have to ask why.
Ever have any WHY days? Plain and simple WHY anything, nothing days...
Those days suck, and they've been landing on me more and more.
Suppose that's it for now, will write more soon as I can glue myself to one spot and have enough time to sit and think to get some of the things out of my head...
I've thought often about whether or not you thought that there was any music out there worth listening to any more, I've had many discussions on this matter with my best friend-there was a BOOM long ago of some music GODS, but since then, there have really only been a few others that have really made their mark, what about the music of today?
I wonder what would be on your CD player, or whatever other type of high end technological device you may have that you play music on...
I will argue to my death that Guns 'N Roses made a mark, a BIG one in music, because to me, it did...personally I don't feel that there are any bands out there now that will stand the test of time, it takes a lot to do that, or to give people REAL memories to associate to the music.
Just my two cents...so, what's on your player Axl?
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back ;)
So Axl, sometimes I sit and wonder how many ways one can make references to Welcome to the Jungle-be it the big city life, drugs, society, Hollywood, living from day to fucking day...my pathetic life.
Welcome to hell, that's what they should say to you when you're first born, when you didn't ask to be born and you sure as hell didn't ask to be born into the "families" that you end up in...interchangeable-Jungle/He ll/Life/MY LIFE
Pretty sick and tired of the bullshit that people try to dish out to everyone else, I'm guilty too...oh it really will get better, oh yes, it will...Lies, all lies...just beLIEve. Right.
Sometimes you have to lie to yourself, trick yourself, pretend, just to make it through, sometimes you have to lie to others while they're laying in front of you dying and tell them that everything's going to be alright, or watch people you care SO deeply about go though some shit after shit after shit and tell them that there's hope...to keep hanging on, to be patient, things will get better...
Bunch of shit...when life gives you lemons, you don't take the fucking lemons and make lemonade, you take the lemons and you use them as a weapon, and only hope that the juice squirts into someone's eye or an open wound so that it burns them. Tired, tired of it all.
Sorry to bitch, but that's what I am and that's what I do best~
It's been really hectic lately, my stress levels are flying into orbit and I've been anxious as all hell. There isn't much I can do about it except take my stupid Klonapin and hope to calm down, the Zoloft doesn't do jack shit...but I also don't get much time for myself, well I do and I don't-the guilt keeps me up so that I can try and make sure that everyone is "taken care of"...and I really don't mind that, I just don't like it when people take advantage of the fact that I'm almost always there when they need something or something done.
I need sleep...actually I don't even know if I need sleep as much as I want sleep...to just sleep, for a long time, and wake up and feel better and have things better-cop out you say? Nothing will change unless I change it? No, it's really just another one of my coping skills that I've tried to perfect over the years. Go to "my world", dreamland, dreamtime, sleepyville, sleepyhollow; whatever...I like it there. Who wouldn't?
Anyway, I'm not bitching about anyone in particular, honestly, I'm not, I'm just tired, tired and old and don't know how in the hell I am going to get all of the things done that I'd like to try and do without any energy or any money...
Because once again, stress drains me, anxiety drains me, and money that is supposed to come in weekly isn't, again-again. So it fucks my world up-you know, the "real" world :
Hope all is well with you...I keep meaning to write you to let you know how I "discovered" you...another day, another time...that's all for now~
Yes Axl, it's been a while, quite some time actually. Not a day goes by though that I don't think about you, and no, I'm not obsessed...
Everyone has to have somewhere to go...I just go to another place, another time, another world...and there you happen to be.
Knowing I'll never meet you, maybe not ever even be able to see you in concert again in the "real" world just sucks...so I go to my "other" place.
I find comfort in you, though I know next to nothing about you, I don't need to, I don't need to know your stats, your history, your business...I just know you...
Even if the you that I know is one that I've created in my own head...
At least I know the difference between the worlds...but when the hell of reality taints my "other" place, I hurt even more deeply.
